Call it out loud

by Ruby
(Birmingham, UK)

My self-esteem was dwindling fast thanks to my relationship with a very intelligent passive-aggressive. I started helping myself retrieve my self-esteem doing some of the following:


- When I watch a movie, I watch something positive and upbeat. I used to watch horror, crime, and sad movies as if I needed more sadness lol.

- I am consciously safe-guarding myself from all the negative images in the media. Why do they do this to us? Messages in commercials like "does your hair look frizzy, do you feel ugly?".. why would I feel ugly because my hair is a bit frizzy? If I catch myself lured into this negativity, I switch my mind to something I like about myself. One of us will have nice legs, nice skin, nice teeth, nice eyes, nice smile, good sense of humor, or she is a very good mom or daughter. Nobody is just a big fat zero!

- I stopped conniving and bitching about other people, celebrities included. When someone started I'd say out loud "It starts with criticizing a strange! We are all wonderful in our own way". Or something to that effect. Few months later, I actually started to feel truly wonderful.

- I used to beat myself up for cheating on my diet. Now, when I cheat, I think why. I fix the underlying problem and I think of giving in as small mistakes on a long journey. Something to learn from not beat myself over.

- Keep positive diaries! Why do you write your diaries to write negativity and sadness? Chances are if you see what you are writing, it will sink in eventually. Write positive thoughts. FIND THEM!

- Do something small today that makes you feel happy about who you are. I feel better about myself when I take good care of what I'm eating. Find yours. Be it better care of your make-up, or eating better, or playing a board game with your kid, whatever.

- Create a loving nickname

for yourself. Don't call yourself names like "oh god I'm so stupid". When I do something really really stupid I say laughingly "For once, a brunette moment". I try hard to put think of myself as someone I love. Someone nice and I want to know myself better. Just like a good old friend coming back. I don't look at myself in anger. I used to catch myself in anger... EATING. Now, when I catch myself doing the same, I stop eating. Put the food down. Breath. Relax. Take few seconds to see if I'm hungry or emotionally eating. Then eat normally or put it back in the fridge. Try to detect your own patterns.

- NAG YOUR NAGGING VOICE! I remember once I thought to myself "you're very stupid. You always end up with a broken relationship. Just look at yourself sullen and ugly". One day The same nagging thought came back then I nagged back "Who are you nagging voice? Are you mine? Why do you work against me? Why do you bring me down? Why do you hate me? You can't be me! If you love me work with me not against me. If you love, pick me up not bring me down. Or go to hell forever and don't talk to me like that". From that on, every time I catch myself in a nagging thought, I nag it out of my mind LOL. Little by little, only "WORK WITH ME" stayed. Every time, I am about to feel low I say "work with me", shrug my woes off and just carry on with life.

- I am on a mission to laugh every day. If I can't watch a funny video, I read a comic strip, or watch a bit of stand up comedy, or google a funny joke. People who laugh a lot don't dwell on negativity. Laugh a lot and you will slowly but surely know who is bringing you down in your life.

All the best.