Emotional Insecurity

Let your emotional insecurity disappear

Emotional insecurity can cripple your ability to be happy or content. When you don't

understand your emotions , you can't keep yourself on an even keel - your emotions drag you one way then another and you never feel at ease. To be truly secure, you must control your emotions and reassure your inner self that you can handle whatever life throws your way.

The root of most emotional problems is fear.

Loneliness itself is not half the enemy that fear of loneliness is. There is often a pattern of fear that begins at an early age when emotional needs are unmet, and this carries on throughout adulthood. When a child feels unloved, that gradually translates into a feeling that they are unworthy of love, which ultimately leads to a fear that they will never be loved or worthy.

This is a faulty belief system, not an emotional problem. Our emotions are keyed to our beliefs - we believe that monsters are scared, so we feel scared of them. If we believe that being alone is awful, we will feel awful at the thought of being alone. If we believe we deserve to be alone, that fear and feeling of insecurity multiplies!

The key to freeing yourself from emotional insecurity is learning to be your own security blanket.

You have to be willing to change your belief system, and to hold your own hand through the scary times, teaching yourself to be unafraid and self confident . Everything you need to be emotionally strong is inside you if you can learn how to unlock it.

Don't confuse your willingness to face hard truths as willingness to really change. You may come to grips with events in your life that left you feeling insecure - an abusive childhood, for example - but unless you are willing to deal with the after effects, you will get nowhere.

Once you make the decision to change your belief system, you can start breaking down the walls that keep you locked in your cage of fear.

When you find yourself in an emotionally unstable state, take a moment to identify the core emotion. Usually it comes down to fear - fear of rejection, of loneliness - of unworthiness.

Now you get the real problem - and it's the same as ever - you don't believe in your own self worth! Fix that, and you fix 90% of all self-esteem issues in one step.

So, how do you work through your own particular emotional quagmire and find the security you crave?

Make the decision to nurture your positive emotions by triggering good feelings. Smile at random moments during the day - when you are sitting on a bus, reading a book, or cooking dinner. Choose to be happy. Choose to feel upbeat.

Remind yourself daily that you may not be able to control every event in your life, but you can control how you react, and how you choose to feel regardless of how you are conditioned to feel.

In other words, you may be stuck behind a wreck on the freeway which is going to make you late for work. This is an event beyond your control. Your conditioned reaction is to be stressed, since you are afraid of what your boss will say to you / think of you for being late.

You have a choice, however - keep feeling stressed, or choose to smile, find a great song on the radio, and sing along. You cannot make the traffic clear up any faster, but you can choose to feel happy while you wait instead of agonizing about something you can't change.

If your boss chooses to act like you are late through fault of your own, you will let it roll off your back, because your emotional state does not depend on what he thinks of you. If your special someone dumps you, you won't have to wallow in fear of being alone - you will be secure knowing that you are worth loving, and can eagerly look forward to meeting the right person who will appreciate you the way you are.

As you practice these daily choices and consciously direct your feelings, your emotional insecurity will fade and finally disappear.

Peacefully return home from emotional insecurity

James Lange theory of emotion

More about insecurity

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