Overcoming Jealousy and Insecurity

Jealousy and low self-esteem

Overcoming jealousy is often a problem people have if they suffer from low self-esteem.

Dictionary.com defines jealousy as:

1. jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.

2. mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.

Jealousy is rooted in the fear that you don’t have value and that others are more rewarded by life than you. If you can’t love yourself, you will have trouble believing that you can be loved.

Jealousy in relationships comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person. Lack of self-esteem is often a big part of the problem. You may believe on some level that you are not worthy of receiving love and you begin to question your relationship and the people that offer you love. Jealous feelings often come about after dwelling on questions such as “Is he having an affair?” “Does she find her new boss attractive?” “Does she even love me any more?”

These questions lead to reacting to what you may think is going on when you don’t even know what’s real. You may assume the worst when you don’t know the truth. Overcoming jealousy in relationships depends on communication. Don’t assume the worst without asking questions or being sure of what is true.

As Dorothy Dix said, “The jealous bring down the curse they fear upon their own heads.”In other words, a lot of your jealous feelings are rooted in your own mind. Overcoming jealousy depends on changing your thoughts and beliefs. Ask yourself if you’re reacting to things that are real, or things that may or may not be real. Often people become reactive over what they think other people are thinking – not what they’re really thinking. An example of this is a when a schoolgirl sees two other classmates giggling and she assumes they’re laughing at her.

Energy spent on comparisons can be better spent working on yourself and your own goals. Instead of moping about the successes of others, begin working on what steps you need to take to attain some success in your own life. Keep the focus on yourself and get in the habit of noticing what you are doing right every day. Reward yourself for each small step toward meeting your goals.

As your self-esteem grows, overcoming jealousy won’t be as much of a problem. Self-love, self-esteem and a belief that you are worthy mean that other people are no better or worse than you are. When feelings of jealousy arise, turn the focus back onto yourself. By focusing on what you can change in yourself, jealous feelings will dwindle or disappear altogether.

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