People have different opinions about the expression of high self-esteem.
When you mention high self-esteem many of us think of some “over-confident”, stuck up, egoistic person who has lost the sense of reality and trying to appear more than who he/she really is. In my opinion there is no such a thing that being too confident, having too high “amount” of self-esteem. But pretending to be self confident and showing the signs of it on the surface and living with somebody else inside that do exist.
The outside recognition could make you believe in something what you are actually not. Great examples are gang members, belonging to a certain group because my friends go there, but I am not really interested in, church, party goers etc. You can have positive feedback from them, you can pretend to feel happy and satisfied among them, but if those feelings and experiences do not match with your beliefs you would not have healthy high self-esteem.
Very important that what you believe and what you do need to be matched, because without integrity you will always feel that something is not quite right and that emotion will undermine your ability to be satisfied, to enjoy life fully. This can cause depression, anxiety and all sorts of emotional problems, instead of developing a healthy, high self-esteem. Behind most of our breakdowns there is a tiny little problem - the root of the negative manifestation of our thoughts - which could have been treated at the very beginning with conscious, focused effort.
"There isn't anything in life that cannot be changed."
Of course we are all human beings with our challenges, mistakes, problems and situations to deal with. Belonging, being a respected part of a certain group of people, workplace, sport clubs or society is crucial to feel worthy. However, you always have to look the company of others who are honest with you, whom you can count on, whose advice is valuable, who can provide you with constructive criticism not bold agreement all the time.
We all have the same challenges in life. If somebody is successful it does not mean that her teeth do not hurt or she does not pull her muscle during running, because she is so self- confident. The difference is their approach toward the situation. When you can not run for couple of days due to an injury you can do so many things instead. You can read more, you can spend much more time with your family, your children, and you can enjoy your leisure time and spend it well. There are infinite opportunities out there you just have to notice them. Sometimes it is nice to have a little break, take a deep breath and slow down to your “inner speed” to recharge the batteries. Enjoy your vacation.
In reality the world is neutral. Nature does not provide you with good or bad. It is your approach how you translate nature’s messages and react to it with enthusiasm or ignorance. When it is raining it could be a bad news for you, because you are going to be soaking wet. But the same rain drops will give life to the trees, bushes, flowers and to many other living creatures.
After watching a movie you think it was bad, but I think it was great. It does not make any difference for the movie. And we are both right. It is your emotional and mental attitude how you will feel after that. It does not mean that you have to like the movie. It means that you have to accept the fact; this movie was not for me. And move on. However, you can always find some valuable phrase, gestures, smile in any movie or event you face You are the one who can turn these events into pleasure or disaster. People with high self-esteem accept or trying to accept the world as it is and use their power to convert everything is possible into their and other’s advantage.
The reason I use the word healthy high self-esteem is that describes the person the most with integrity, responsibility and respect. You can have high self-esteem without having one or more of the basic characteristics of self-esteem, but the people I value are willing to sacrifice some time and invest energy to improve, to learn constantly. They try to find their innermost motivation and to live according to their highest values.
Having healthy high self-esteem is a learned process. Everybody, I mean everybody can build it.
Here are some tips to get you back on track:
25000% focus. 100 is not enough. Every single cell of your body and your mental capacity has to concentrate on 1 single thing whatever you do. When you read, read. When you write, write. When you talk to someone pay attention to the person who you communicate. Listen, try to understand the reasons behind the surface and give your undivided attention to them. Look at their gestures, eyes, facial expressions, look how comfortable they feel and/or act with you. Give them your encouraging smile; joke around a little bit. They will greatly appreciate that. Drive your attention to them.
Focus itself can create success. Concentration is an indispensable part of high self-esteem. It will teach you how to ignore obstructions and guide your thoughts toward the chosen subject.
Set time limit. If it can be done in 5 minutes get it done in 5 minutes. Always finish your job. Don’t do anything else ‘till it’s done. When it is a more complex task create a plan and stick to it. If it’s a major task break it down to pieces so you will have enough time on a daily basis to move forward your goal to complete it. Always, always focus on your strengths, what you are good at. And do not forget about Isaac Asimov’s warning on focus:
“Nothing interferes with my concentration. You could put an orgy in my office and I wouldn't look up. Well, maybe once.”
This is the key to live a prosperous, happy life. You have to keep moving. Many people can start something, but really few would finish it. You can find those who complete the job among the most successful and/or the wealthiest people in the world.
The reason I use and/or, because to be successful you do not necessarily have to be rich in financial terms.
Mahatma Gandhi - the Great Soul of India - started fasting and the British Empire left India. He had probably no high value assets or bank accounts. He had an enormous mental and spiritual power to show people around the world, that you can achieve what you want without aggression if you are determined enough. His persistence was peaceful and “soft”. That is how he became a legend. Mother Theresa and Albert Schweitzer were successful as well. They both used their innermost beliefs and motivation to give the maximum possible to the people around the world. They never gave up. Persistence is essential to build high self-esteem.
“The man who wins may have been counted out several times, but he didn’t hear the referee. Never quit or give up….never…..never give up.” - H.E. Janson
We all try and make mistakes. This is inevitable for our personal growth. The more you fail the more you learn. The more mistakes you make the sharper your “mental tools” going to be, so next time you will be well-prepared to face similar challenges.
Think of Thomas Edison who was asked after trying to create a light bulb 10000 times unsuccessfully:
“- Mr. Edison, how did it feel to fail 10000 times?”
“- I did not fail. I found 10000 ways that won’t work. - he replied.”