How to Change Low Self-Esteem

Definiton of low self-esteem

Low self-esteem is a pervasive and enduring sense of unworthiness and inadequacy, affecting how one views oneself in comparison to others and in the context of the wider world. It manifests as a chronic self-perception that one is not good enough, lacking in some fundamental aspects, whether it be intelligence, attractiveness, worthiness of love, or competency.

This negative self-assessment often results from past experiences of failure, rejection, or critical judgment by others, leading to an internalized belief system that undervalues one’s abilities and worth. Individuals with low self-esteem may exhibit a lack of confidence in their decisions and abilities, reluctance to try new things or take risks, and a tendency to focus on their perceived faults and failures rather than their strengths and achievements.

They might also engage in negative self-talk and assume others view them as unfavorably as they view themselves. The impact of low self-esteem can be far-reaching, affecting relationships, academic and professional performance, and mental health, potentially leading to anxiety, depression, and other emotional challenges.

Overcoming low self-esteem involves recognizing and challenging these negative beliefs, seeking positive experiences that foster a sense of achievement, and developing a more compassionate and realistic self-view.

Signs of low self-esteem

• Negative self-talk. You may constantly put yourself down and say things about yourself that you would never say about someone else.

• Frequently apologizing. You may take the blame for things that are not your fault.

• Focusing on your flaws. You see every little imperfection in yourself, and forget to notice what is good.

• Reject positive comments. If someone pays you a compliment, you respond with a negative statement such as, “No, I haven’t really lost that much weight.” Or “This old thing? I’ve had it forever.”

• Avoiding risk. You cling to what is familiar and are afraid to try new things. You talk yourself out of doing things that might raise your self-respect, such as returning to school or changing jobs.

• Avoiding eye contact. You have a hard time looking other people in the eye.

• Constantly seeking approval from others. You don’t feel satisfied until you know you have gotten approval or reassurance from other people. You are constantly asking others if they are mad at you or if they love you.

• Pessimism. You expect bad things to happen to you. You don’t notice the good things that happen to you on a daily basis.

Where does low self-esteem come from?

You are not born with low self-esteem. It is something you have learned from your reactions to things that have happened to you and people you have interacted with. Each time you have an experience that makes you doubt yourself, if you hang onto it, your self-esteem is affected.

Self-esteem can be damaged when you spend a lot of time with people who are negative or who are in the habit of focusing on flaws. This could be your parents or your siblings or your spouse. If your boss never notices your accomplishment, your sense of self-worth may be affected. Worse still, if you spend time in an abusive relationship, you may on some level blame yourself and question your worth.

If you have made some large mistakes in your life, you may be dwelling on the idea that you’ll never succeed. For example, if you dropped out of school and can’t seem to find a job that pays more than minimum wage, your sense of self-worth has probably been damaged. If you have experienced disappointment in relationships, such as divorce, you may think you are at fault. The problem is you start to believe that you are going to continue to make mistakes, and that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Coping inappropriately with life’s disappointments can further damage your self-esteem. For example, if you go through a difficult divorce and you cope by abusing alcohol or by jumping into another destructive relationship, your opinion of yourself will get even worse. If you have tried to lose weight but failed repeatedly, going on an eating binge won’t improve your opinion of yourself.

Your inner critic is probably your worst enemy if you have low self-esteem. Your inner critic echoes the negative talk you’ve received from others, and you keep hearing put-downs in your mind long after they’ve stopped coming from others.

Symptoms of low self-esteem

Low self-esteem

“Control your anger because it is just one letter away from danger.”

People have the variety of symptoms of low self-esteem.

They are all related to some degree. Use your human judgment to choose which one needs to be improved in your life and start working on it.

1. FEAR. It could be the fear of many things. Fear of rejection or failure. Fear of pain or guilt. Fear of public speaking or meeting with new people. Fear of losing someone or something. Deeply inside of us it is always the fear of insecurity or uncertainty.

2. ANGER. It is a very strong emotion which could be used for your advantage if you learn how to control it.

3. SELF-DESTRUCTION. It is one of the most devastating symptoms of low self-esteem. There are no other species that do things they know they should not. Have you seen a rabbit going to a bar and get drunk? I haven’t. Have you ever seen a tiger smoking a cigarette? I haven’t. Or have you seen a giraffe throwing a birthday party for the neighborhood and serving alcohol, drugs and cigarettes? … Well, I haven’t. Those examples a little bit exaggerated I know, but I hope you get the picture. Human beings do things constantly which they already know that it will destroy them. We tend to respect the “quick fix”, the easy pleasure for the moment instead of investing some energy for the long term advantage of not doing them.

4. TRY TO BE LIKE SOMEBODY ELSE. You are a special person with values and talents. Do not try to imitate somebody. People can feel that. Discover your own values, purpose and live your life.

5. FOCUS ON THEIR WEAKNESSES. Failure is part of our life. You have to accept it and move on as soon as possible. The more you think about your weaknesses the deeper it will sink into your subconscious and the harder to correct it. To improve low self-esteem you have to focus on your strengths.

6. CHANGING JOBS OFTEN. Sooner or later you have to figure out what you want.

7. TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY. Take it easy and enjoy life fully. Do not worry about every small detail. Try to see the big picture. “Don’t sweat the small stuff”.

8. DISCONNECT FROM REALITY. Sometimes they think there is nothing wrong with their life. They deny reality. They rather stay in their “comfort zone” than create some change even if it’s necessary.

Studies found that low self-esteem in many cases is associated with;

• Domestic violence, crime

• Self-destructive patterns such as alcohol and drug use

• Problems with children

• School dropouts

• Teenage pregnancy

• Sexual dysfunction

• Anxiety, neurosis

• Problems in the workplace

• Communication problems

• Suicide

• Eating disorders

Conclusion:

Developing high self-esteem is not just an individual problem, but a social need. Parents, teachers and each individual have to be educated to give the next generation a better, more confident approach toward their life. Having healthy self-esteem can reduce the incidence of many such problems.

The above mentioned symptoms of low self-esteem can manifest in everybody’s life differently. The intensity of such patterns always depends on the individual’s mental and emotional state of mind. Some people are more sensitive than others and their tolerance toward the “attacks of reality” could be different too.

How can you raise low self-esteem?

You didn’t develop low self-esteem overnight and you won’t make it go away overnight. If you really want to improve your opinion of yourself, you need to be committed to make a change.. First of all, work on believing that you deserve better. You deserve to be happy. You deserve respect from yourself and other people. You need to stop yourself any time you find yourself using negative self-talk or being pessimistic. Replace negative thoughts with self-praise and affirmations.

Consider whether the people around you drag you down or pick you up. You have the right to choose different companions. You can’t choose your family, but you can limit the amount of time you spend with negative family members. If you have to attend a family event that includes negative, critical people, be sure to also surround yourself with people who nurture you. If you can’t bring a supportive person to a family event such as a cookout or wedding, be sure to call someone who lifts you up as soon as you leave the family gathering.

As an adult, you are responsible for forming your own opinion of yourself. If your parents or other relatives have always put you down, it’s time to start speaking up for yourself. Get in the habit of praising yourself and noticing your accomplishments, however small they are. Think of yourself as your best friend and treat yourself with the same respect that you treat others.

It may be helpful to keep a journal of your accomplishments. At the end of each day, make a list of the things you’ve done right. Praise yourself for sticking to your diet, for sending out resumes, for not getting drawn into a fight with your spouse. Praise yourself for your efforts in improving your self-esteem and for taking charge of your life. Praise yourself for all you’ve survived.

Low self-esteem is something you’ve learned, so it’s also something you can unlearn. Choose to love and accept yourself at all times. Working on your self-esteem is one of the best things you can ever do for yourself and before long you’ll notice every aspect of your life is looking better and better.

Please don't forget to sign up for my free monthly newsletter

Enter your E-mail Address

Then

Don't worry — your e-mail address is totally secure. I promise to use it only to send you free self-esteem tips.

Scroll to Top